White
by HellzLittleAngel
Summary: White. Numb. Alone. He doesn't love me. He does love me. I hate him. I love him. No...


_**White**_

I hate him. I have to repeat it. I hate him. I hate him. I-

"Ah," I cry out, feeling him push himself inside of me. My eyes squeeze shut at the pain, and I can hear him chuckle; his breath washing over my lips. His breath smells of smoke. I wince at the smell and manage to open one of my eyes. His eyes fixed upon mine while he moves rather harshly. My breath gets caught in my throat and tears threaten to spill. The pain. So much pain...

But then the pleasure. I succumb to him every night because of the pleasure. Because I want feel like he would actually like me. He would actually love someone like _me_.

"You're just as tight as the first time," He grunts into my ear; shivers running down my spine. I can feel one of my tears wetting the hair behind my ear. It gives more shivers. It's cold.

My head tosses back at the pleasure. Always the pleasure. I open my eyes and stare at the poster above my bed. It's a band poster. I think my uncle got it for me. How long ago was that? It must've been at least-

"A-Axel!" I cry out; cum spilling out. He does the same, but he doesn't scream my name. Why doesn't he ever say my name? He'll say it before, and he'll say it after, but never in between. More tears threaten to spill, but I bite them back as I feel him collapse next to me. Not too long later I can hear a lighter being clicked and the flame engulfing the end of the cigarette. My mom used to smoke. He reminds me a lot like her. Smoking; never caring...

"You seem more out of it than usual," Axel laughs quietly. I ignore him and stare up at my ceiling. White. Just like my mind. Blank. White. Alone. A nudge comes to my shoulder, but I still ignore him. I don't want to acknowledge him. He never acknowledges me. Never in between.

"Roxas," He whispers, and I can feel his arms wrapping around my stomach; pulling me closer to his chest. I resist pushing away. I hate him.

I love him.

I hate him.

I hate him.

I hate him.

"What's wrong?" He asks, blowing out a puff of smoke. I scowl in disgust and look up at him, meeting those beautiful, blazing green eyes. And I feel my stomach twist. Butterflies are flying around in my stomach. Oh how I want those eyes to look at me in the mornings. To look at me before he goes to sleep. Oh how I want him.

But I can't have him.

He doesn't want me.

He never did.

He doesn't care.

Why does he even try?

His eyes search mine. I search his. Behind that facade of a caring, sweet Axel, lies one that could never care about me. More tears well up in my eyes, and I look down, attempting to blink them away.

"Roxas," He purrs, his lips like a blanket over my ear and nibbling on the skin. A shudder runs down my spine. I don't think I can take a second round.

But I want him to like me.

I want him to love me.

I like it when he says my name like that.

I wish he'd do it more often.

Lost in my own thoughts, I didn't realize he straddled my waist. Not until I saw those beautiful green orbs in my vision.

"A-Axel," I whisper, blinking and coming back to earth. His kisses are so sweet. So warm. So... _lusting. _But he doesn't stop. He keeps trailing his kisses down my jawline, down to my neck, down my chest. "Axel..." I whisper again. He still doesn't stop. Butterfly kisses. Nibbles. Licks.

"Axel!" I almost shout. Finally he looks at me, anger and confusion filling those beautiful green orbs. "Not again... please," I whisper. He'll understand. He loves me. He does. That's why he wants me again. He loves me...

Suddenly he grips my wrists and squeezes them tightly – pain causing me to cry out.

"Axel!" I growl, struggling under him. He's just staring at me. For a moment, I think he's going to slap me. But a smile is placed on his face. It's sweet. It's kind. It's... _sadistic._

"You don't want me?" He asks in a seductive voice. But it sounds hurt. My eyes widen as I hear him sniffle.

"Wha- no! I mean, yes! I do want you!" I sputter. His eyes, which had once held sadness, now turn cold. That sweet, sweet smile disappears and he this time he has the kind of smile the devil would be jealous of. His lips hover over my nipples; hands still gripping my wrists; and he nibbles. A soft moan escapes my mouth, and my face turns red.

"A-Axel... stop..." I begin to cry. I don't want this. I don't want him. I don't want this. His eyes narrow in my blurry vision.

"I thought you said you wanted me," He snaps. Tears are still streaming down my face, soaking the hair behind my ears.

"I do," I whisper, "I don't want _this, _though,"

The warmth of his body suddenly turns cold. I blink and see him walking around my room, slipping his boxers and pants on.

"W-Where are you going," I ask. My voice sounds shaky. He looks angry.

"Home." He snaps, picking up his shirt but not bothering to slip it on. And then he's gone. More tears. No, I can't let him leave. Not like this. I stumble around my room, managing to put my boxers on and a robe. And then I'm gone. I'm outside the front door now. He's in his car.

"Axel!" I cry, running out into the snow – not caring for the frostbite in the snow nipping at my toes and soles of my feet. He takes one glance at me and I feel my heart drop. His eyes are cold. Colder than the snow. Colder than I could ever imagine. His eyes say _hate_. They hate me. _He _hates _me_.

"A-Axel," I whisper. He backs out of the driveway, and I watch his car drive down the street. The black car isn't that hard to make out from all the white. All the blank.

A car horn breaks the silence. His car collides. It collides into another car. The sound is deafening. It's like bones being crushed.

My eyes widen.

No.

No..

No!

"_Axel!" _I scream, my feet now stomping against the snow and ice and concrete. It hurts. I don't feel the pain. Everything is numb. The white is numb. "Axel!" When I get to the car crash, I can't see anybody in his car. In the car, I can see a woman attempting to call 911, I assume. Blood is staining her face and I think her leg is caught. She looks scared. She looks pained. She looks... _desperate_.

Our eyes meet for mere seconds, before she's looking back at her phone. Back at her leg. My eyes avert to the car in front of me. Glass is shattered everywhere. I can't breathe. The tears on my face are freezing. I feel numb.

At the same time, I feel an unbelievable pain bearing in my chest. I take cautious steps towards the car.

"A-Axel," I stutter. The passenger door. I squint into the window, but all I see is black. So I walk around.

And then I fall.

Blood.

His blood.

Staining the road.

Staining the glass.

Staining my heart.

I can't breathe.

I can feel my own blood from the shattered glass.

I don't feel that pain.

I don't feel anything.

Numb.

White.

* * *

**A/N: I almost cried at the end of this while writing it. D; What do you guys think? It's not as long as I thought it would be, but eh. **

**Songs: I listened to **Crashed** by The Daughtry, and **Clean and Simple **by Utada Hikaru.**

**Please review and thanks for reading! Have a great day~  
**


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